Sarah the Vampire Slayer - Date with the Yeshivah Pupil
Node LinkNext[ Sarah the Vampire Slayer featuring Natalie Portman as Sarah Anne Eisenman, an Ethnic, Reform, Jewish slayer.
Sarah is sitting in a restaurant on a date with Yaakov, a Yeshivah Pupil from a local Chabad Yeshivah.
( Builds upon this scene from Summerschool at the NSA. ) ]
Sarah: So how's life in the Yeshivah?
Yaakov: Oh, you know, studies, studies and studies.
Sarah: Yes, I know. I need to study as a slayer. And as a high school student as well.
Sarah: By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask: what’s the deal with the Messianic nature of Chabad?
Yaakov: Oh that. First of all, it’s a kinda small minority of us, and secondly it’s kinda rooted in the belief that at any time, every Jew must consider themselves the Messiah and behave accordingly, which will eventually bring the Jewish people and the world at large to salvation and prosperity.
Sarah: [Thinks for a moment] Hmmm… I can relate to it.
Sarah: Tell you what, though? I need to go to the bathroom now. You know: girl things.
Yaakov: Sure, I'll be here waiting for the food.
[ Sarah goes to the bathroom and notices a vampires’ couple getting ready for action. She rushes back to Yaakov. ]
Sarah: Hey, Yaakov. Listen, we have a crisis here right now, and I need you to act like the Messiah. Can you take your book of Tehilim and read from it when I tell you?
Yaakov: I guess! [He rises up and follows her.]
[ They go to meet the vampires. ]
[ Yaakov starts reciting the Psalms. The vampires are terrified. Sarah slays them using a stake. ]
Sarah: Eat dust, bastards!
Yaakov: Wow! What was that?
Sarah: Vampires! I cannot believe I’ve had to put you through that on our first date.
Yaakov: That's OK… that’s OK… [scared] I can handle it.
Sarah: It’s over. It’s over. Come let’s return to our table.
[ She turns to face him. They look at each other for some seconds and then start to kiss one another and make out.
They do it for a while until a girl enters from the restaurant, and looks at them. ]
Restaurant Girl: Get a room!
[ Sarah and Yaakov smile and go on. ]
[ Sarah the Vampire Slayer featuring Natalie Portman as Sarah Anne Eisenman, an Ethnic, Reform, Jewish slayer.
( Builds upon the BtVS’ “Anne” episode. ) ]
Ken: [to Lily] Who are you?
Ken: [to Sarah] And who are you?
Sarah: I’m Sarah Eisenman. A Jewish vampire slayer. And who are you?
[ Sarah quickly pokes Ken’s eyes with two of her fingers, and kicks him in the crotch. He falls to the floor, while agonising in pain. ]
[ She goes, and Lily and the others follow. ]
Ken: Hold on, hold on. Well played, Ma’am and frankly, I am miserable here. I wish there was a way you could help me.
Sarah: Tell you what, Ken? Why not come to the diner, and I’ll pay for your food and drinks. I’ve been earning quite a lot of cash from tips. You can tell us stories from this dimension of evil of yours.
[ Cut to the diner, Ken is sitting there surrounded by many people who are listening to his stories. ]
Ken: So I told them: “Actually, I have always expected the Spanish Inquisition, and, on the other hand, they have never expected me.”
[ Many members of the audience laugh. Applause. ]
Sarah: Ken, would you like some more juice?
Ken: No, Sarah, that's OK, I’m stuffed. Anyway, I think I’ll return to my dimension of evil now - they will be clueless without me. Thanks for everything.
[ She goes to the counter with Lily. ]
Lily: Wow, I earned so much money from tips today. I could totally see myself working here.
Sarah: Then why don’t you? I earned enough money working here anyway, and now I’d like to return home.
Lily: Wow, that’s great! Say, can I be Anne now?
Sarah: Lily Anne O’Connor? I guess.
Sarah: Hold it! The Hebrew equivalent of “Lily” is “Susan” or “Suzanne”, so you could be Lily Suzanne O’Connor.