My Humour Collection

A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that "Thou shalt not seethe [=cook] a kid [= young goat] in his mother's milk." To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation, the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutten as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with any mammal's milk either.

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.

This bit used to appear on my signature for a short while, but people got mad because it was too long, so I replaced it.

I used to be arrogant. Now I'm simply perfect.

A relative of mine

If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy's Law would have been known as Aristotle's Law.
Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy's Law would have been known as the Law of Socrates.

Microsoft's slogan used to be "Microsoft - making it all make sense."
Today it should be: "Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours."

And another twist:
"Microsoft - friendliness is our outstanding quality. No matter how much we mess up your computer work, we will always consider you our friend."

The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the dollar, but you can keep the dream.

(My current E-mail signature)

The soap opera "Kesef Qatlani" (i.e "Lethal Money") is about two families: one of whom are arm dealers and the other jewelers. Something like "For a Handful of Dollars" only it has been going on for two seasons now, and the actors are much worse than Clint Eastwood.
Furthermore, there is no indication yet that either family is losing, but frankly, I have wished for a long time that all the characters would somehow end up being dead.

IRPWUG announces project "What you see is what you think"

My attempt at one of those computer industry related "news-flashes", that are hanging around the net. Describes a project by the IRPWUG organization that aims at making Microsoft Windows 95 reflect the way its users feel about it...